OMG Working Out is Hard You Guys

NEWS FLASH:

Working out and being in shape for two years followed by not working out and eating like crap while laying on the couch for two years results in NOT BEING FIT.

I am sure you are like, of course you dumb girl! But I really did not know how out of shape I was until this week. Every muscle hurts. Like the back of my knees hurts. And reading K-Beezy’s posts almost killed me since laughing made my abs hurt like whoa.

So let me tell you all the stupid stuff I did this week

Chair squats - a basic squat but onto a chair. Sounds easy, right? Like what sort of out of shape person would get a workout from sitting and quickly rising from a chair? Well, you should try it. While holding a weighted ball. And then come back and I will be sympathetic when you are in pain.

Leg lifts – again, how can this be that hard? Lay on your back and lift your legs up by using your abs. This is difficult when you are severely deficient in the abs department.

Jump rope – I love jump rope. As long as I am wearing supportive, high impact sports bras (yes, bras) I am a big fan of this schoolyard staple. But when you are so exhausted your legs stop cooperating and you have to restart after two jumps it gets pretty old. Maybe if I bust out some rhymes it will be easier.

Plank hold – this is the bane of many a workouter (worker outer? fitnesser? unfit girl trying to get in shape-er?). And it sounds pretty easy – hold your body up with only your forearms and toes. My Wii Fit has been telling me that I rock at this. Wii Fit is a stupid lying  whore.  And Trainer is a jerk who doesn’t let me cheat and makes me actually do work. I managed to hold the plank for 15 seconds three times (ok, fine, the last time was only 12 seconds) and I was so proud of myself I wanted a cookie. You don’t get rewarded in cookies for working out.

The best part about working out is rediscovering muscles. Did you know that there are three glute muscles? I know this because each of them hurts. I just keep thinking about how great my ass is going to look. And if you are my friend I will make you look at it and comment on its awesomeness. But if you are just some creep who has stumbled here, no, you will not get to comment on my ass.

Continuing to blog about my workouts might be the most boring thing to you. Stop reading, dummy. I think it is going to help me keep on track. Three sessions with Trainer a week and cardio on my own three days is sure to produce results which I will be sure to show off this summer! I am a Socialite, damnit. I GOTS TO DO IT.