Club Memberships + A Mildly Manic Buying Spree

My month of June was spent indoors.¹ The pretense of the gross imbalance in my Inside/Outside ratio is as follows: (1)disdain for temperatures near 100° Fahrenheit  (2)tendency to burn despite sunblock (3)general lack of interest in humidity. Essentially, I am not fit for summer in Saint Louis.

If she’s not filling her free time with normal summer-y things, you may wonder, what has she been doing? The short answer: BOOKS. In beginning this summer word-fest, I found that my house had a troublingly low pool to choose from. Thankfully I recently finished a wealth of jobs, accompanied by a wealth of disposable income. Hence, my situation was quickly remedied.

Here’s a glimpse into the sad state of the KBoyne Household Library pre-Word-Fest Purchase-Fest:

1. A number of books I’ve read, left over from junior high and high school assignments.
   • The Westing Game, Ellen Raskin; The Giver, Lois Lowry; To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee; Animal Farm /1984, George Orwell; The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger²
2. Young Adult Fantasy Novels, some owned (and read) by me, some poor literary choices of my brothers.
   • Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie; The Neverending Story, Michael Ende; the Artemis Fowl anthology, Eoin Colfer; The Last Olympian, Rick Riordan; Inkspell, Cornelia Funke
3. A few James Patterson and John Grisham novels (which I am not eager to open).
4. These:
   • You Got Screwed! Why Wall Street Tanked and How You Can Prosper, James J. Cramer; V for Vendetta, Alan Moore and David Lloyd; Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamond; “The Yellow Wallpaper” and Other Stories, Charlotte Perkins Gilman; The Awakening, Kate Chopin; The New Class: An Analysis of the Communist System, Milovan Djilas; Lake Wobegon Summer 1956, Garrison Keillor

Excluding Patterson, Grisham and Cramer– blech!– I have not read six of the listed selections. The last three Young Adult books are “poor literary choices”, Guns… is MIA, and The New Class is McCarthy-era anti-communist propaganda. That leaves V for Vendetta and Lake Wobegon: two readable books, neither I was particularly drawn to. Clearly it’s time to head to the bookstore.

So I went to Fairview Heights and looked around Barnes & Noble. Barnes & Noble has recently changed their shelving arrangements, reducing my favorite two full units of Women’s Studies selections to two shelves under ”Cultural Studies.” Did you know Barnes & Noble used to have a “Gay Philosophy” section? Well, no more. Now it’s mixed with erotica and sex how-tos. And you know what sits in place of my home-turf of Philosophy, Women’s Studies, and Historical Lit? Religion. Christian Gifts & Devotionals. Christian Literature. Christian Inspiration. THREE ROWS OF THIS. And can I tell you how much space B&N puts between these books? They could cut 1/3 of their Christian shelf space if they smooshed the books together a bit. Not even smoosh, really! Just push them so the edges touch! Then I can get some of my preferred selections back AND STOP HAVING A HISSY FIT/PANIC ATTACK/URGE TO HIT THE CLERK WHO LIED TO ME ABOUT HOW THE SIZE OF MY SECTION HASN’T CHANGED. Everybody wins.

Instead, I went to Borders. According to Borders Books, How to Blow Her Mind in Bed is a Gender Studies book. I hate you, Borders. I grabbed a few books and left unsatisfied.

After finishing Valenti in a few days I needed a new book. Augie by my side, I courageously headed back to Fairview Heights, where my local B&N and Borders live. Our total visit time reaches approximately 8 hours. But I have lots of books now. Another step-by-step breakdown, shall we?

06.17.2010, Borders: The Purity Myth, Jessica Valenti; Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck; A People’s History of the United States: 1492 – Present, Howard Zinn.

06.25.2010, Borders: Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement, Kathryn Joyce; When Men Become Gods: Mormon Polygamist Warren Jeffs, His Cult of Fear, and the Women who Fought Back, Stephen Singular; The “Bicycling” Guide to Complete Bicycle Maintenance and Repair: For Road and Mountain Bikes, Todd Downs.

SERIUZ SUMMER READING

06.26.2010, Borders: We Can Have Peace in the Holy Land, Jimmy Carter; Barbary Shore, Norman Mailer; This is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession, Daniel J. Levithin; The Clash, The Clash. Also: 1 medium iced latte, 1 small JavaKula® Blended Beverage, 1 bookmark two-pack.

06.28.2010, Barnes & Noble: The Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, Jr., translator; Failed States, Noam Chomsky; The Stranger, Albert Camus; Armageddon in Retrospect, Kurt Vonnegut. Also: 1 venti iced soy latte, 1 multi-grain bagel with cream cheese, 1 Barnes & Noble Membership.

So what does all this get me besides lots of potential reading and about $230 less in my bank account? Mostly, club memberships. I can now count myself as a member of the following groups (last list, I promise!):

1. Barnes & Noble Savings Club.³
2. People Who Need New Bookcases.
3. Adult Children Considering Pilfering Old Bookcases from their Mothers’ Houses.
4. People Running through Hypomanic Cycles.
5. People with Mildly Obsessive Personalities (see multiple purchases regarding religious extremists).
6. Super-Nutter Book Enthusiasts.
7. Someones from Whom You Can Borrow Books.
8. Very Excited and Satisfied Nerds.

Love forever and always,

MHB

¹ This is an exaggeration. I did, in fact, spend time outside in June– in the sun, even!– but probably less than would be considered healthy.

² Links to books are neither endorsements nor indication that I have read said books, merely reference of interesting, entertaining or little-known items.

³ Butterflies, I am sharing my B&N membership with all of you. Just give them my phone number at checkout so you, too, can save on your book purchases– without paying $25/year for the privilege.

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