Can Cats Scissor? And Other Conversations

My roommate is great. She is a constant source of humor, and she always laughs at my jokes. Today I accidentally stepped in an empty bowl on the floor which caused Halle Berry the Cat to run under the table in fear. Unfortunately, Jill was trying to trim Halle’s fur at this time. With scissors because Mother Nature did not adequately provide grooming tools to this particular tuxedo cat.

Halle’s quick departure led to an unfortunate trimming of the white part of her mane.  Jill subsequently blamed me for the uneven cut, but I blamed her for scissoring the cat. Which, of course, led to me trying to imagine what lesbian cats would do in the boudoir.  When I asked Jill if cats could scissor she took Halle’s hind legs and scissored them. Proving that cats, in fact, can scissor. However, we came to the conclusion that they would probably 69 instead.

Here is a picture of Halle with her mane freshly trimmed.  Also, I hate the damn cat and laugh at her misfortune. But the new trim does nicely set off her necklace.

Also, that is Jill in the background. She is wearing a shirt that apparently has Patty Hearst on it and wanted my approval to wear it to go do manual labor at work. I approved, since I couldn’t tell it was P. Hearst. Or because I am culturally illiterate. Hope she doesn’t get fired!

About Silk

Jill: Tallulah asked if she could buy a silk shirt…

Me: No, Tallulah cannot buy a silk shirt, she won’t dry clean properly!

Jill: No, not that. It’s about the silkworms.


Jill: No and I told her she could.

I am not Jill’s only funny friend, which makes me sad. Today she talked to two friends, one of whom has moved to the bustling metropolis of Little Rock, Arkansas with her skeezy husband but has left her child in the care of her mother so she can party. The other friend accidentally got her boyfriend arrested for felony domestic violence when she drunkenly screamed in a hotel room something that could be construed as trying to fight off an abusive boyfriend even though she was just drunk, and the neighboring hotel guests called the police.  In conclusion, the other friends might not be funny to you. Child abandonment and domestic violence tend to be topics people don’t find funny. Somehow, we couldn’t stop laughing. Horrible people? Possibly. Able to find the humor in every situation? Absolutely.


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