St. Charles to St. Louis: A Whole New World (less aladdin, more white flight)

I have lived in St. Charles since I was approximately 9 years old. I am not particularly interested in St. Charles or anything its got going on. I mean, it has what I need (see: Chipotle, Target, Deals, DSW, Buffalo Wild Wings) but beside that it is pretty much just suburban hell with a dash of white-flight.

St. Louis is kind of out of my bubble. I pretty much stick to the highway trifecta that makes up the boundaries of St. Charles: Hwy 70-Hwy-40-Hwy 270. I don’t count 94 as a highway as it has lights on it and I don’t count 364 because it isn’t done yet.

(Random note: I don’t like when people try to tell me I live in St. Peters. No I don’t. I don’t know where St. Peters is. The mail delivered to my house is delivered to St. Charles. SUCK IT ST. PETERS.)

Anyway, so St. Louis: out of my bubble. HOWEVER, when I do get to journey to St. Louis (usually someone else is driving because I am scared) it is like a WHOLE NEEEEEW WOOOOORRLD A DAZZLING PLACE I NEVER KNEW. Seriously. Usually I take Page into St. Louis, or 70. Either way, first you’re greeted by terrifying-ness. You know, city-limit-business, like bars on the windows and what looks to be someone wearing no shoes wandering around in the streets holding a 2-month-old child in their arms. I kind of feel like I’m at the zoo because I’m all, “LOOK OVER HERE – THIS GUY IS RIDING A BICYCLE HE OBVIOUSLY STOLE FROM A 6-YEAR-OLD GIRL” or “THIS GUY TO OUR RIGHT IS SHAKING HIS CROTCH AT US.”

So after getting through that delightfulness you get to enter the real St. Louis. People are always hating on St. Louis and my theory is that they stop before getting past the city-limit-business. They must just panic and turn back. Because when you’re rollin’ down Grand it is SO COOL. Like really, what is there to hate on? Delmar? You want to hate on the MoonRise and Pin-Up Bowl? You don’t want some delicious Cicero’s pizza? You’re worried about Paul McKee? That’s fine. Stay in St. Charles and whine about eminent domain while you’re eating Fritz’s frozen yogurt. I’m going to the Fox and then I’m having Fro Yo for dessert. Why don’t you just go to Wehrenberg’s while I hit up the Tivoli, okay? REALLY PEOPLE? Set your mediocre burger down, remove your ass from the booth at Max and Erma’s and go to SubZero for a Mango Tango cocktail and a Tempura Fried Philly Roll. When was the last time you went to a zoo, museum, baseball game, concert in ST. CHARLES? Never. Because it isn’t an option. You know what else isn’t an option? The Arch, Soulard, or the East Side. I have never in my life seen a strip-club anywhere in the vicinity of St. Charles. You know what else isn’t in St. Charles? Gay bars. Head on down to Chouteau and play trivia at Novak’s (Where Lesbians Gays Straights and Everyone Parties Together) and follow it up with some Courtesy Diner breakfast foods at 1 A.M. What more do you need?

Open up the St. Louis Post Dispatch any day of the week, find Bill McClellan’s article, read what he has to say, then look to your left, you’ll see a list of things there are to do in St. Louis! Pick up a RiverFront Times, they’re FREE, they’ll tell you a GAZILLION things you can do in St. Louis any day or night. Call up a Socialite, she’ll direct you to the nearest good-time in St. Louis.

Not to say that everything in St. Charles is awful. Main Street is nice. I like some Lewis and Clarks for dinner. But there’s no pizazz. There’s no lights or traffic on Main Street. There is just middle aged people and their families. When was the last time someone got shot in St. Charles? I’m going to look it up…you stay here…okay it was March 25 in Weldon Springs. I don’t think that counts. But what I’m saying is St. Louis is an excellent way to spice your life up. Its fun and fast-paced and maybe, just maybe, you St. Charles-ans need to walk on the somewhat wild-side.

AND IF SO, come to the St. Louis Socialites and Young Dems fundraiser on Friday!

stay cool,



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