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Gullible moth meets really suspicious flame.

Thing you might not know about me #3674: I have a love of the supernatural. I’m not even kidding. Ghosts, witches, past lives, The New Jersey Devil, The Loch Ness Monster, La Chupacabra, aliens, Greek mythology, Roanoke Island, astrology, Nostradamus etc etc. I can’t help it. I’m drawn to it. Gullible moth meets really suspicious flame. Oh and I REALLY love a good conspiracy theory. Oh boy. That’s the way to get to my heart. Oh AND I am super superstitious and I rely on Karma to explain many of life’s twists and turns. I know, I am a well-educated woman, but when I have mysterious bruises I can’t help but assume the dead are pinching me in the night because I haven’t been praying for them. (Also mom and I were discussing and I realized I left out angels. I believe in angels too.)

I even have plans to one day live in a haunted house. I am hoping mostly for a friendly ghost who will bug my dog and not a scary ghost who will throw shit at me and possess my body. Jake says that he doesn’t think you get to choose really, but I bet that I could tell right away if a house had a friendly ghost or an evil spirit. He also thinks I am ridiculous because I blame unexplained things on ghosts (Naturally I assume everything is built on a Sacred Indian Burial Ground). BUT HIS HOUSE IS SO PROBABLY HAUNTED. When he moved in there were locks on the outside of the bedroom doors and the basement. THE OUTSIDE?!!? ANNNNND there are handprints on the concrete walls downstairs probably because someone was locked down there and tried to claw their way out and then they died and now they are ghosts.

This all started with me as a child. I blame my father namely. This isn’t the normal daddy-issues situation. This is more like my dad had insomnia and would stay up all night watching the Sci-fi channel and the History channel (the History channel might seem weird but they show all sorts of things about ghosts, and the future, and Aztec predictions) and I had to sleep with my door open(scared of the dark). Then there is the matter of post-cycle break education. I would be home in the summers with no one but my dad and he loved watching Unsolved Mysteries and I loved it too. But then he’d go to work and leave me alone watching Unsolved Mysteries until my brothers got home. The repercussions of this is that I have spent most of my adolescence and adulthood convinced someone will kidnap me, maybe aliens, and that I better watch my back.

However, I think what really made an impact on me is that as a baby I allegedly resided in a HAUNTED ROOM. Yes folks. HAUNTED. I don’t remember this of course but it has been revealed to me that when my parents moved us and our dog Elmo, into our first apartment, Elmo refused to go in my room. All the hair on his back would stand up and he’d growl at the door and it was cold in my room (which if any of you are connoisseurs of the supernatural as I am you would know that (1) animals hate ghosts and (2) haunted places are always cold). Why did my parents allow me to sleep there? They hated me probably. (haha)(no, but really).

But anyway, the tale continues! It wasn’t just my room that was haunted! There would be mysterious foot prints in the living room, and things went missing and turned up in strange places. But the most disconcerting is that my mom and dad worked opposite work schedules and my mom would come home in the afternoon and shower. But she could hear someone walking up and down the hall, but she’d peek her head out and no one would be there. AND THEY COULD HEAR CHILDREN LAUGHING ABOVE THEM. UHHHH EXCEPT FOR THEY WERE THE TOP FLOOR. Oh god. CHILDREN GHOSTS ARE THE WORST. Oh and my parents would find each other doing all sorts of weird ghostly type things in their sleep but obviously it wasn’t them it was the spirit that was possessing their bodies (My dad one night told my mom he was Milliard Fillmore). And this all occured in the St. Louis area and if you’d like to know more about such happenings feel free to research for yourself.

Ok so now you might see why I am fascinated. I just like the idea that after you die you might still get to continue harassing people. I also like the idea of weird inexplicable things such as goats that have had the blood sucked out of them or a large hairy man-ape wandering in the woods or a whole island of people just DISAPPEARING! THAT IS CRAZY. As far as aliens, I am totes convinced they’re out there just biding their time until the moment is right for doing a world-wide anal probe. You may now appreciate my attraction to shows like the X-Files, A Haunting, Ghost Hunters and so forth. Jake generally doesn’t let me watch them in his presence which is fair because I get totally freaked out because I BELIEVE IT I DO I CAN’T STOP MYSELF. So then I’m scared for like a week after.

What I am really saying is ya’ll should really buck up on your knowledge because I don’t want you to come crying to me when your apartment is haunted. Except if you do come crying to me I will seriously come over with a Ouija Board and candles and we can do a séance. It’ll be great. (one time eward wanted to do a séance in our apartment and I said HELLZ NAW because I didn’t want any leftover spirits lingering but if your residence already has spirits I’m DTF.)

the truth is out there,


Also, I’m typing this in Microsoft Office and it just highlighted “a” before Ouija. Which orthographically makes sense because you say “an” before a vowel, but when actually verbalize “Ouija” you use a /w/ which is not a vowel SO BOOYAH Microsoft Office I am NOT changing it. If you recognize Ouija as a word then you better know the related phonology.

2 Responses

  1. I thought you would like to know, after my earlier claims of ghosts not existing, i have to recant my statement.

    My barracks are haunted, I have no roomate and shit keeps disappearing and reappearing in random places. Along with extra things that I cant explain happening.

    ghosts be up in san diego.

  2. I love Ghost Hunters and I watch it in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep and everybody else cab. Then I can’t watch it anymore bc it gets me too freaked out when they get freaked out. We found out a few years after we moved in to our house the woman who owned it died in the house. We think she was there for several years before she decided to leave. She was friendly though. Our dog had some similar experiences.

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